Why I Want To Be A Writer

Why do I want to be a teacher? And why do I want to be a published writer?

I want to make a difference in a child’s life. I want to inspire them to read because stories open up so many worlds. It opens up the imagination.

I remember, being a little girl in primary school as one particular teacher would read to us books by Roald Dahl. It was truly the most magical moments of the whole school day. I would be captured in the story, I would be going on a journey with the characters. I never wanted my teacher to say ‘to be continued’ after the end of a chapter. I would get lost in the words, in the journey, the adventures.

When I began to read, it was very difficult for me to put down a book. It wasn’t long before I felt that I could write stories too. I wanted to create characters and control the way their journeys go. I wanted to make my own imaginary friends and give them a world and stories and adventures and travel with them. I didn’t have many friends when I was younger and I still don’t, so I found I spent a lot of time in libraries or my room, writing, creating.

I have always wanted to inspire people, children and adults, the way the authors of the books I’ve read inspired me. I want to make someone believe in magic, believe in themselves and believe anything is possible if they set their mind to it. Anything is real if they really believe in it.

It’s passion that is the companion in my heart. Passion like fire that spreads through my veins. Passion that could set the world on fire and that is something ginormous, coming from a girl who has been on a long, rocky road of low self-esteem, self-doubt and anxiety. They have also been my companions.

But it’s up to me which road I’ll take.

Got to dash now, my little bee is ready for a nap and needs mummy.

Lots of love, Ebee.

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Red Dressed Soul

 

red dress

You travel down the spiral staircase that

leads you into the depths of your soul.

Where there are no lanterns,

no candles,

no control.

Why do you do this to yourself?

You’re slipping away

But you want to stay

And all your ghosts and shadows

Trail after you wherever you go.

Untouchable and fading,

where has your thunder gone?

The crashing lightning,

the explosions, the fights and

the fireworks.

Your out-of-tune songs.

But I won’t forget you.

You were the red dressed soul

with a heart full of passion,

A belly full of laughter.

You kept your love in your pockets

and emotions in your heart.

Words were scribbles under your skin

and naturally flowed from your fingers

You were a traveller, a dreamer

A wanderer, barefoot and hair-free

stealing chimneys with yellow feelings

Searching for the green.

 

I promise,

I will find you,

Wherever you go.

Will

Dear Will,

I know who you are. You may stand there looking calm and quiet, observant. Your hands may be warm and your eyes green as the breathing forest but, I know you deeper than that gentle surface. I feel your electricity in your nerves. I feel that awkward, rigid spine of yours, when you meet strangers and people you aren’t comfortable with. Those hands that you patiently keep hidden in your pockets, tremble slightly. Your heart beats so fast – as if it is trying to claw out of that web of anxiety in your chest. Your lungs are drums but all this weakness keep you strong, alert, you’re always alert. I know who you are – I have love for you – for the way you never show your restless fears. The way they never overwhelm your mind. 

Your mind always sees clearly. 

Soil warriors always work independently. They never cross paths. They never talk to one another. But Will and Aleena were different. They knew the forest better than anyone. They found themselves on a cross path. In the lost green lake they found each other – as their broken canoe sunk to the bottom, they clung onto the broken tree trunk, covered in moss, it jutted out from the middle of the lake. A baby, thin tree growing on the broken. They laughed like they had never laughed before. Wholeheartedly. Large sounds of joy and relief escaping their throats from their stomachs. They found home in each other’s eyes.

 

 

 

Ashen

Dear Ashen, 

Aleena will always be my solid ground and you will always be my earthquake.

Aleena remembered the time when she was little and she had watched Ashen mercilessly smash a rock over a snake’s head until it lay lifeless, then she had picked it up and tied it around her waist. The blood dripping from the crushed skull onto her bare feet. She looked up and noticed Aleena watching and she smiled sweetly.

“Do you like my belt?” She had asked.  That was when Aleena should have realised that Ashen would destroy anyone and anything in her way that would stop her from getting what she wanted.

Ashen was not made to look after things. Everywhere she went she broke things, not always on purpose but she was clumsy, she had tried looking after things… A kitten, a bird, a plant but nothing survived. Nothing thrived under her watchful gaze. At that time her heart was still big, open and warm so she mourned over everything she lost. When she broke something it cracked her heart too, until her heart was unable to hold grief for long. Until the day she flattened a moth on her wall. Then breaking things, killing things, became an obsession.

 

Aleena

Dear Aleena, 

You have always been my warrior. Born amongst two skyscrapers, your feet planted on a patch of grass.  You do not bow. You do not bend and you do not break. You rise. You’re always rising. I called for you and you came, strong, fierce and in control. Everything I am not. I owe you my life, my best friend and my most trusted advisor. 

The winds were roaring that night as Aleena washed her bloodstained hands in the small stream by the valley of the blue mountains. The wind was never happy with her but she ignored it and strode away.  Her bare feet were cut but the dry prickly wild grass felt like nothing to her. Even as the wind tore her dress, mid-thigh, she strode on. The war was over, for now. She had fought and won. Locked her twin sister, Ashen Rose, away in the cold mansion on the frozen lake, chained to the ankles of the blue mountains that would guard her forever. It was for the best. The dangerous fire within Ashen had torn apart her mind, she had lost half of it in some type of morbid, insane darkness, until all who had once cared for her were helpless and decided they had to bury her away from the world. She was no longer safe to keep in society. She was an unpredictable hazard to herself and others.

Aleena’s wild black hair flew behind her like a flag. Her face as pale as a ghost. Her lips dry and cracked, the darkness under her eyes showed her long and tiring journey but her autumn eyes still had a fire burning within them. That must have been what scared the buffalos as they stopped eating and submissively bowed their heads as they made way for her to pass.

It was just before Aleena reached the edge of the wild forest when the wolf appeared. It’s shabby black and grey coat moved like armour on it’s body. It had been slinking through the trees like a dark shadow for a while. Aleena had sensed a few feet away that there was something unfamiliar, and perhaps dangerous hidden close by.

She had waited for the wolf to step forth and reveal itself. The wolf lowered it’s head and stared deep into Aleena’s eyes with it’s yellow eyes. Aleena stood perfectly still, so that a passer by would not be able to tell if it was Aleena who was transfixed or the wolf. It was in a split second after this moment when all things happened so fast, at once.

The wolf took a small step forward and immediately Aleena whipped out the dagger tied to her thigh but before she could use it and before the wolf could attack a whistle resounded in the forest. The wolf’s ears pricked back and it turned it’s head, a male’s voice called out;

“Husk! Come!” The wolf turned away and bound through the forest leaving Aleena quite surprised still holding her dagger.

Aleena swiftly followed the wolf into the forest. The wolf trotted along picking up human scent of the ground. Aleena climbed a tree and steadily followed the branches. Eventually they reached a clearing. There stood a tall, handsomely rugged looking man. Close cropped hair and stubble as the wolf approached the man got down to his knee and stroked the fur around the wolf’s head. In excitement the wolf panted and licked the young man before sniffing around him. Aleena listened in as he gently spoke to the wolf.

“You hungry boy? I got something for you.” He walked closer to the tree Aleena crouched in, before picking up and emptying a pouch of left over meat, which the wolf happily began eating. The young man stretched and then noticed Aleena in the trees. Aleena cursed, She couldn’t run away, for warriors never ran. His deep green eyes settled on her face, he looked astounded to see her there. He slowly rubbed the back of his head in a nervous, awkward gesture before speaking,

“Hi.”