Balancing Life~

I feel like I’m walking on a tightrope but I’m concentrating so hard on not falling off. I’m focusing because I know I can make it to the other side as long as I do not lose focus.

It’s thrilling, breathtaking, stressful, scary but I am determined.

I’ve finally applied for my Teacher Training course. Primary PGCE after years of mulling it over. Whether I could do it or not, my anxiety kept me locked in a cage. Doubts crept in whenever I dared to dream. Dared to think of being ambitious.

But somehow, giving birth to my daughter seemed to turn a key and unlock me from within. Yes, I still worry none stop but that comes with motherhood. But what I didn’t realise, is that confidence, also comes with motherhood. Sometimes when I am holding my baby girl, I’m clutching her for comfort but I am also feeling… EMPOWERED. As if I’ve stepped up a level, as if I need to stop thinking about myself and think about my daughter and how I can make her a stable, secure, happy individual. How I can make her proud to call me her mother and how I can show her that she can become whoever she wants to be, she can do whatever she wants to do.

So I just jumped into it, finally. Just leapt right in. Despite all the doubts that keep trying to pull me down. I booked my professional skill tests for English and Maths and I have an interview at one of my chosen University’s for a PGCE course.

Yes, negativity is chattering away in the back of my mind telling me I won’t get through and the hundred million reasons why but it’s 10:42pm and my baby has just fallen asleep in the crook of my arm and my other hand is researching topics for my interview preparation. I’ve been doing this all day because I am worried if I stop now, I’ll give up, so I just have to keep going.

Keep writing stories, keep working on my novel, keep up with my blog, pour my heart out in poetry, study for my interview, become a teacher eventually.

Keep gobbling up the Forrero Rochers my husband bought me for our anniversary instead of sensibly eating one a day.

My husband has a fractured shoulder.

My baby girl is grumpy and teething. Her first teeth are coming through (three at the bottom and one at the top)

The laundry has piled up a little.

But I’ll find a balance because I’ve realised now, I’m a mother, a wife, a writer, a blogger, a poet, a student and an aspiring ‘to-be’ teacher so I have to find a balance…

And thrive.

Lots of love, Ebee.

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The Magical Relationship Between a Writer and Their Notebook #AmWriting #Writers — BlondeWriteMore

 

I love this blog post. Absolutely spot on. My husband once said to me:

‘Your notebooks are like your external organs.’

This weekend has been spent clearing out my loft. As we battled against ten years worth of forgotten clutter I came across a few of my old writer notebooks. As I opened them up I did wonder whether they would make me cringe. But they did quite the opposite. Some of my old stories were […]

via The Magical Relationship Between a Writer and Their Notebook #AmWriting #Writers — BlondeWriteMore

Why I Want To Be A Writer

Why do I want to be a teacher? And why do I want to be a published writer?

I want to make a difference in a child’s life. I want to inspire them to read because stories open up so many worlds. It opens up the imagination.

I remember, being a little girl in primary school as one particular teacher would read to us books by Roald Dahl. It was truly the most magical moments of the whole school day. I would be captured in the story, I would be going on a journey with the characters. I never wanted my teacher to say ‘to be continued’ after the end of a chapter. I would get lost in the words, in the journey, the adventures.

When I began to read, it was very difficult for me to put down a book. It wasn’t long before I felt that I could write stories too. I wanted to create characters and control the way their journeys go. I wanted to make my own imaginary friends and give them a world and stories and adventures and travel with them. I didn’t have many friends when I was younger and I still don’t, so I found I spent a lot of time in libraries or my room, writing, creating.

I have always wanted to inspire people, children and adults, the way the authors of the books I’ve read inspired me. I want to make someone believe in magic, believe in themselves and believe anything is possible if they set their mind to it. Anything is real if they really believe in it.

It’s passion that is the companion in my heart. Passion like fire that spreads through my veins. Passion that could set the world on fire and that is something ginormous, coming from a girl who has been on a long, rocky road of low self-esteem, self-doubt and anxiety. They have also been my companions.

But it’s up to me which road I’ll take.

Got to dash now, my little bee is ready for a nap and needs mummy.

Lots of love, Ebee.